I might be starting a new blog. Or, I’m starting a new blog and I might move the works over here. I don’t know. Just something I need to pursue.
I’ve hit a point once again where I am feeling the angst of being misunderstood. Friends who have been in my life for a long long time just don’t “get me”. And it’s not that so much – at least I don’t think that’s it. Rather, it’s the feeling that they don’t care enough about me to give me that benefit of the doubt that would let the conversation continue.
I’m not normally this obstinate. I’m just drawn this way.
But really, why can’t I catch a break? I feel like I’m asked my opinion, and I give it with my own oomph behind it, and because it’s not the party line and doesn’t adequately line up with what was expected, I’m tossed aside like yesterday’s newspaper print edition. It’s like however many years of friendship and shared experience don’t mean anything anymore since my opinions are now coming to different conclusions.
I’m glad Vicki loves me no matter what. We might not see eye to eye, and I might have a different take on reality, but she doesn’t turn me into the enemy in order to feel better about herself.
I should be used to this by now. My thoughts and feelings about what constitute real relationship have been molded by these same experiences over the past ten years or so. Whether it’s geography, agreement, politics, religious beliefs, sports teams – if there are discrepancies growing in the things that held us together in the first place, the relationship crumbles and fails.
BUT I DON’T COMPLETELY DISAGREE. There, I said it. Or typed it. Just because I’ve thought deeply and found our opening questions and opinions lacking, and just because I’ve gone a next logical step to find something meaningful and good amd really worth pursuing – that doesn’t put me in the opposition. And that’s what hacks me off most. My “hey, let’s talk about this because I’ve got some information or thoughts that might take this out of the theoretical and move it into reality we can live out” comes up against “that’s just plain wrong and you’re a heretic for believing anything even remotely like what I think you just said, and I didn’t hear it right because I didn’t care enough to listen, and I’m prejudiced because the words you used were the wrong ones for this conversation, you liberal commie atheist”.
But I don’t completely disagree. And it hurts to feel that friends don’t care enough to try.
So, all that to start this new site on a totally angst-filled footing. I’m sorry, it’s just a website, and both of you deserve better.