We are up early after a good night’s sleep. Vicki has already left for church, having duties during both morning services. Cam went with her, going to her own Sunday School gathering before helping lead worship in the second service for the littler kids. Trace will ride in with me in just a few, ready for the second service time for middle schoolers. My whininess from last night has been replace this morning with my own brand of “pleasant disengagement”, and with a resolve to make the best of an awkward circumstance. I am here for a reason, a part of this congregation for whatever purpose is there. To grow in my own life, my own spiritual walk. And to hopefully encourage and to challenge others as they in turn encourage and challenge me. I’m not the guy coming to church with the “I’ve got all the answers this place really needs” mentality. That’s not me, I hope. Instead, once again I want to stretch our definition of who we are, to flesh out and complement what’s already going on.
I don’t know what that will mean, except that first I need to let go of that angst that’s been constipating anything I’ve touched the last few months. And I need to be more generous with my handle on “the benefit of a doubt”, something I hold dear and use far less extravagantly than I should. And I need to keep pressing through in what I feel is right. I can’t just participate in the show; I need to know deeply that what I’m doing has value, is worth doing, is worth doing well. And somehow, I want that to be contagious.