“F”irst Impressions

Margaret F. is asking for stories of "kids saying the darnedest things". I did some quick seaches on my blogs, and can’t believe that I haven’t posted this particular tale before.

In elementary school. our son learned a wonderful new word that starts with "F" and ends with the same sound as "truck" – yes, that word. Ralphie said, "FUDGE", the other night in A Christmas Story – "Only I didn’t say "Fudge." I said THE word, the big one, the queen-mother of dirty words, the "F-dash-dash-dash" word!" He said it in some conversation in front of my wife, who explained that in no uncertain terms that word was not to be used ever ever ever ever ever ever again, ever. She told him is was unkind, impolite, un-nice, and warranted the old soap in the mouth punishment. And even though this was the first time he had ever done that, she wanted him to experience the soap in the nouth so that he would never have to do that again.

She asked him where he heard it, and he gave the name of a classmate. Knowing the family and having taught an older sibling, there was no reason to not believe him. So after some time with the decorative guest bathroom soap in his mouth, he was done and we had no more issues with the "F"-dash-dash-dash- word.

Until church a few weeks later. His midweek kids’ class was full of boys, all mostly related, and one girl, the sister/cousin. Boys will be boys, and while the teacher was preparing the lesson and the boys were playing around at some game on the table, one of these young fine lads said, "Fart", followed by much chortling and guffawing. Third grade boys love potty humor. But the little sister was appalled: "Oooooh, he said the F-word – Oooooooh".

To which my non-plussed and over-verbal son said, "No he didn’t. He said ‘fart’, not ‘f—‘…" – and the teacher, still prepping for the evening lesson, inhaled loudly enough to be heard throughout the building.

My wife was brought in to explain yet again to our son that this word was inappropriate. This time, it was handsoap on the tip of the tongue – inadvertent as this discretion was, we needed to drive the point home again. And we explained to the other parents that if they now hear this word from their own angelic children, it might have been our son’s slip of the soapy tongue.

Can’t believe I hadn’t typed that one out before.


4 thoughts on ““F”irst Impressions

  1. maryann says:

    as harmless as the soap in the mouth thing really is…some DSS person could come and claim abuse of child by doing that…
    what a world we live in now…all the terrible things that go on with kids and they might come take your kid away cuz you touched their tongue with some soap
    and why is soap the best method for teaching that anyway?

  2. Rick says:

    Um – the whole “dirty” versus “clean” thing, I suppose. Did you miss the point of this pointless story by worrying about soap? Don’t ask what I did with the shower gel that one time… 🙂

  3. Chuck says:

    Over the years I got to be quite a connoisseur of soap. Though my personal preference was for Lux, I found that Palmolive had a nice, piquant after-dinner flavor – heavy, but with a touch of mellow smoothness. Life Buoy, on the other hand… YECCHH!
    It… It ’twas… soap poisoning!

  4. Todd says:

    Nothing like a little flatulence reference to stir things up.

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